AKA me being somewhat befuddled by how much I love this movie.

3.5/5 Screams
SPOILERS AHEAD

Hello fellow ghouls. Despite this blog being more for my benefit than anyone else’s, I’ll apologise (again, oops) for neglecting this blog lately. It’s been half because of my novel and half because of the gorgeous heatwave hitting drizzly ole’ Britain at the moment – I’ve been relishing every second of it.

Funnily enough, I have actually watched and made notes on about five or six horrors over the past weeks but just haven’t got around to writing them up. So, today – ignoring the sunshine beckoning me through my window – I thought i’d choose one. I decided to do a re-watch review because sometimes watching these films multiple times, you really do both watch and internalise them all very differently each time and notice bits and pieces that otherwise go over your head.

For today’s post, I chose a film that I discovered about eight months or so ago. I was bored one evening and was scrolling through Amazon prime, I found this movie – watched the trailer, realised it looked fairly low budget and perhaps a bit trashy but it was evidently very – aesthetically and tonally – British and sometimes I love me a good movie with OTT Britishness involved. The first time I watched it, I fell in love with it. I’m unsure why exactly, the make-up isn’t very good, the acting is varied, the storyline is basic and patchy and the ending is pretty annoying. For all intents and purposes this film should not work, yet it so indulgent, so claustrophobic and so stupidly enjoyable. No surprise that it has this oppressive and cramped atmosphere exists in this movie, seeing as it comes from the creator of ‘The Descent’ which is a fantastic movie. Knowing this, you can see the parallels between the two films – both playing on the natural, human survival instincts and fears of being trapped in confined spaces with no escape. It actually reminds me of ‘Train to Busan’ in some ways, although that is one of my all time favourite zombie movies and it starkly better than this film in many ways.

Let me take on the ride through the narrative – i’m very sorry for that pun, I can do better. We follow a train conductor in England on a night train with a handful of passengers, most of whom aren’t particularly likeable or explored much before they’re picked off one by one by a horde of werewolves. That’s it. A thirteen year old could write that synopsis. So why does this film work so well? Because it’s very self-aware, it knows that it’s corny and a guilty pleasure and runs with it. If it was trying to be something it very clearly isn’t then it almost definitely would not work as well as it does.

For some reason, don’t judge me, I have a crush on most of the characters (besides the old couple, obviously) and I have no idea why. One is actually, oddly, the spitting image of my favourite university lecturer. Maybe that’s why I fancy him – no shame. Anyway, I digress. In the beginning there seems to be a strange reliance of casual workplace sexism and harassment just to move the plot forwards and i’m unsure how I feel about that. Also early on, there’s a comical foreshadowing with the dog under the seat and, admittedly, even after having seen it before, it still made me jump. I’m losing my touch. The tone and dialogue is very heavy on the realism and I appreciate this, it makes it both more relatable – who doesn’t know the frustration of being stuck on a late night train? – and easier to get lost in. The full moon at the beginning makes me smirk, got to love a nicely implanted cliche, am I right? I also think it’s pretty clever to make the driver seem kind and likeable in only one line of dialogue before killing him off to grab the best effect.

BUT, and here comes the fun bit – ripping a film I love to shreds, there are a fair few plot holes in this film. First of all, surely the conductors have radio connections back to traffic controllers and security? Would they not somehow figure out how to call for help? The make-up really is s**t, the werewolf on the poster is better than the actual design. Granted the gore is pretty decent but you just can’t look at the werewolves without a little giggle. Even their claws are stupid looking. Thirdly, what on earth was that toilet cubicle made from? Cardboard? The dialogue was also much cheesier on the second watch than I remembered it being first time round. Moreover, I watched this again with my Dad, and it says little for the writing that he guessed everything before it happened – I suppose it’s objectively more predictable than I thought. A couple of last things: Matt’s death is fundamentally stupid, Jenny’s movements when she transitions are hilarious, the female conductor barely even jogs away from the forest at the end despite Joe having just offed himself for her survival. And, I saved the biggest for last, how on any level of horror existence, folklore or mythical tales are these werewolves STILL werewolves when the full moon disappears and morning comes around. Is this some new strain of werewolfism (is that a word? It should be)?

A few last notes on this strangely entertaining and replayable film: some of the triggers to move the plot along are very obvious. Take the first death of the central characters for example, the girl with no name – side note: good decision to not give her a name, it certainly added some pathos where otherwise you wouldn’t really care that she’s dead cause she was annoying af – it’s fairly blatant that she’ll die first, as she is shown bonding with blondie shortly beforehand and, sure this could just be some final attempts at connection before they all bite the bullet (told you my puns would get better) but it’s short and when she gets dragged from the vestibule you kind of think to yourself ‘oh, that’s why’. Another side note: Wow do they love overkill in this movie. Like, Jesus – calm down you little psychopaths, it’s dead as a dodo. Most of the deaths are okay, until the ending where they all seem to be rushed and meh – except from when cheating-McDickface boots blondie from the carriage to buy himself time, I will never forgive him for that (even if I do find him very attractive, don’t even ask). She had a little daughter you absolute scumbag. Also, poor Zach or whatever his name was – he was a good cookie. Finally, Joe really doesn’t get enough credit in this film. He literally sacrifices himself for somebody he barely has more than a crush on, it also helps that Ed Speleer’s acting is pretty darn good.

Funnily enough, this film gained a 62% on Rotten Tomatoes yet really did not go down well with fans. Personally, I recommend this film if you’re bored, want a fun ride without having to concentrate or worry too much about caring for the characters. Indulge in the utter Britishness of it and don’t try to make it anything that it isn’t, is my advice. I wonder whether it would have the same appeal to other nations because the aesthetics and humour might not translate across cultures. Have you seen this flick anywhere outside of the UK? How did you respond to it?